


A Totally Original Newsies Groupchat AU

by cheeriosandgalaxybars



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: A lot of personal headcannons, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crutchie does say fuck at some point, F/F, F/M, I Blame Tumblr, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Let Crutchie Say Fuck, M/M, Multi, Some Plot, Swearing, but only kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheeriosandgalaxybars/pseuds/cheeriosandgalaxybars
Summary: Jack is a major simp, Crutchie swears, Henry doesn't know how life works, Albert and Race need to chill, Davey needs a vacation and Spot has reached peak don't give a fuck.And only half of them have their relationships in order.
Relationships: Albert DaSilva/Racetrack Higgins, Crutchie/Finch (Newsies), David Jacobs/Jack Kelly, Romeo/Original Character(s), Sarah Jacobs/Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, Smalls/Henry, Specs/Elmer, Spot Conlon/Albert DaSilva, Spot Conlon/Albert DaSilva/Racetrack Higgins, Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins, jack kelly/Santa Fe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	1. 3am Shower Thoughts & Jack's C in Art

**Author's Note:**

> SimpForSantaFe - Jack  
> DavidJacobs - Davey  
> RidinInStyle - Crutchie  
> VroomVroom - Race  
> WhereforeArtThouRomeo - Romeo  
> Glue - Elmer  
> Greenfinchandlinnetbird - Finch  
> GoinDeluxe - Albert  
> Specsifically - Specs  
> PaStRaMi - Henry
> 
> Special guest appearance by Spot. And the rest of the boys (and girls) will appear eventually.

**GoinDeluxe:** three am shower thoughts anyone?

**VroomVroom:** fuck yeah

**SimpForSantaFe:** go on?

**GoinDeluxe:** I'll be the last to die in my lifetime

**Glue:** yeah no shit

**PaStRaMi:** I appreciated it, unlike some people

**Glue:** if you're tryna fight me, you're failing

**DavidJacobs:** we have a spANISH TEST TOMORROW WHY ARE YOU AWAKE AT 3 AM

**VroomVroom:** woah, calm down there davey  
 **VroomVroom:** it's chill

**GoinDeluxe:** once you have a PhD every meeting you go to will be a doctor's appointment

**VroomVroom:** good thing I don't plan on getting a phd because I hate the doctors

**DavidJacobs:** if you think I won't @ Crutchie then you're wrong

**Greenfinchandlinnetbird:** go ahead I fucking dare you

**Glue:** whipped

**Specsifically:** whipped

**GoinDeluxe:** whipped

**VroomVroom:** whipped

**PaStRaMi:** ^^

**GoinDeluxe:** henry you broke the chain you traitor

**WhereforeArtThouRomeo:** whipped  
 **WhereforeArtThouRomeo:** also, who tf made my name so long

**WhereforeArtThouRomeo** changed their name to **Juliet**

**Juliet:** you can make Shakespeare jokes in one word dumbasses

**Greenfinchandlinnetbird:** I think it's rich you're calling ME whipped Mr 'I buy my girlfriend her Starbucks every time'

**VroomVroom:** oH he's got you there romeOO

**Juliet:** race stfu you ditched our chem final last year because spot wanted you to go with him

**VroomVroom:** it was a dentist appointment

**DavidJacobs:** I'm calling in the calvary

**DavidJacobs** : @KingOfBooklyn @RidinInStyle

  
**SimpForSantaFe:** DAVEYYYY NOO

**KingOfBrooklyn:** jack wtf

**SimpForSantaFe:** that was so fast I stg

**KingOfBrooklyn:** I have stuff to sort out, I was lurking  
 **KingOfBrooklyn:** also go to sleep

**VroomVroom:** you're not the boss of me

**KingOfBrooklyn:** -_-

**VroomVroom:** ;)

**DavidJacobs:** listen to your brother Jackie

**GoinDeluxe:** yh listen to your brother Jackie

**SimpForSantaFe:** I didn't realize your name was Davey, I thought I only gave him Jackie rights

**Juliet:** oOoOOoO

**VroomVroom:** but you've got spotty rights

**GoinDeluxe:** damn right I do

**Specsifically:** ew, love

**RidinInStyle:** why are you all awake?

**SimpForSantaFe** has logged off  
 **VroomVroom** has logged off  
 **Greenfinchandlinnetbird** has logged off

  
**PaStRaMi:** ha cowards

**RidinInStyle:** Henry is that you?

**PaStRaMi** has logged off

**Specsifically:** I can feel the disappointment radiating through the screen

**RidinInStyle:** hey specs, it's three am

**Specsifically:** don't worry dad, I'm leaving

**Specsifically** has logged off

**Glue:** I'm avoiding all of my problems and jumping ship now  
 **Glue:** oh and by the way davey I forgot about the spanish so can you send me some notes???

**DavidJacobs:** akncowoqkfuocpqlk

**Glue:** and that's my cue

**Glue** has logged off

**GoinDeluxe:** what's up crutchie

**RidinInStyle:** sleep until about a minute ago

**GoinDeluxe:** cool cool  
 **GoinDeluxe:** so, shower thoughts?

**RidinInStyle:** yeah sure man

**DavidJacobs** has logged off

**KingOfBrooklyn:** I will pointedly ignore that you were up at three am if you share the goods

**GoinDeluxe:** and I get to sit shotgun

**KingOfBrooklyn:** fine, but shower thoughts first

**Juliet:** you don't mind if I join do you?

**RidinInStyle:** you bringing chocolate tomorrow?

**Juliet:** for you? Always ;)

**RidinInStyle:** you can stay

~~~

**SimpForSantaFe:** favouritism

  
 **RidinInStyle:** aren't you in art?

**SimpForSantaFe:** please crutchie, I have enough self-respect to pay attention in the only class I like

**VroomVroom:** nah, he got a C on his last assignment and he's really pissy about it

**SimpForSantaFe:** traitor

**RidinInStyle:** howst the fuck did you get a C?

**SimpForSantaFe:** I was trying out only doing it monotone and snyder called it uninspired and sloppy  
 **SimpForSantaFe:** as if I'd dare make a picture of davey shit  
 **SimpForSantaFe:** it physically cannot be done

**GoinDeluxe:** I think you got what you're a simp for wrong jackie boy

**SimpForSantaFe:** I will send my entire album of santa fe photos don't try me

**VroomVroom:** please god no

**SimpForSantaFe:** since when was this make fun of jack hour?

**GoinDeluxe:** every hour is make fun of jack hour

**VroomVroom:** I second this

**PaStRaMi:** I third this

**SimpForSantaFe:** where tf did you come from?

**PaStRaMi:** a stork

**VroomVroom:** that reminds me, Henry still believes babies come from storks

**SimpForSantaFe:** Henry  
 **SimpForSantaFe:** are you even a real person?

**PaStRaMi:** if you're so smart tell me where they come from then

**VroomVroom:** hA, you're not free from the birds and the bees yeT

**SimpForSantaFe:** albert knows more than me

**GoinDeluxe:** I don't remember being a part of this conversation

**SimpForSantaFe:** albert, no please don't leave me

**RidinInStyle:** babies come when a mommy and daddy love each other very much

**SimpForSantaFe:** I REFUSE TO LET YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE  
 **SimpForSantaFe:** THEY FUCK AND THEN BABY

**VroomVroom:** so eloquently put there

**GoinDeluxe:** wow big words, do you even know what it means?

**VroomVroom:** nah, I saw davey use it once

**GoinDeluxe:** figured

**SimpForSantaFe:** I only did it to save crutchie's group purity  
 **SimpForSantaFe:** we all know he has none but that's not the point

**RidinInStyle:** thanks? I think?

**SimpForSantaFe:** 90% of people here have never heard you swear  
 **SimpForSantaFe:** and they all think you're innocent and I'm not gonna tell them different

**VroomVroom:** delete the evidence quick

**PaStRaMi:** the fuck did you do to henry?  
 **PaStRaMi:** he's been staring into space for ten minutes

**GoinDeluxe:** back loooog

**PaStRaMi:** okay  
 **PaStRaMi:** wtf and also jack that was glorious

**SimpForSantaFe:** I try, I try

**PaStRaMi:** this is smalls by the way  
 **PaStRaMi:** I'm offended I wasn't added

**GoinDeluxe:** oh, yeaah. sorry smalls

**GoinDeluxe** has added **BiggieSmalls** to the chat

**GoinDeluxe:** anyways, how come you're on henry's phone

**PaStRaMi:** he doesn't have a password  
 **PaStRaMi:** he watches anime by the way

**VroomVroom:** you are a national treasure smalls

**PaStRaMi:** it's true, I am nicholas cage  
 **PaStRaMi:** I'll talk to y'all later, teacher's coming

**PaStRaMi** has logged off

**RidinInStyle:** eh, I should go too

 **RidinInStyle:** I can't let out all my secrets now can I?

**RidinInStyle** has logged off

**VroomVroom:** and then there were three

**GoinDeluxe:** hey race?

**VroomVroom:**?

**GoinDeluxe:** ice cream?

**VroomVroom:** I thought you'd never ask

**VroomVroom** has logged off  
 **GoinDeluxe** has logged off

**SimpForSantaFe:** and then there were one

**SimpForSantaFe:** no, that should be was  
 **SimpForSantaFe:** andd I'm talking to myself

**SimpForSantaFe** has logged off


	2. Race is High, Jack is a Simp, Specs Failed Chemistry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CowboyKelly - Jack  
> DavidJacobs - Davey  
> VroomVroom - Race  
> GoinDeluxe - Albert  
> PaStRaMi - Henry  
> RidinInStyle - Crutchie  
> Specsifically - Specs  
> Juliet - Romeo  
> KingOfBrooklyn - Spot  
> GreenFinchAndLinnetBird - Finch  
> Glue - Elmer  
> BiggieSmalls - Smalls
> 
> Introducing:  
> HelloKitty - Katherine  
> TheBetterTwin - Sarah  
> ChocolateButtons - Buttons

**This Chat is a Fucking Nightmare**

**Specsifically:** up next on I hate school it's I failed my chemistry

**Glue:** aren't people with glasses supposed to be smart?

**Specsifically:** I forgot where I said my name was davey  
**Specsifically:** that deadass only applies to him

**Glue:** davey has glasses?

**CowboyKelly:** have you not seen him?

**CowboyKelly** has sent 13 photos to **This Chat is a Fucking Nightmare**

**Glue:** simP

  
**Specsifically:** that's old news Elmer  
**Specsifically:** we know this

**Glue:** :P still fun to make fun of him for it though

**Specsifically:** damn right

**CowboyKelly:** santa fe pictures coming your way if you continue

**Specsifically:** my mouth is zipped

**Glue:** please, no  
**Glue:** no santa fe

**Juliet:** spotty got into a fight today!

**KingOfBrooklyn:** -_-

**VroomVroom:** oh yeah haha

**Juliet:** kelfhkiroxplk  
**Juliet:** are you not concerned?

**DavidJacobs:** Race's high as fuck right now and he's on the phone.  
**DavidJacobs:** I'm also surprised that you didn't know I have glasses Elmer.

**Juliet:** mom, please tell him he should be concerned

**CowboyKelly:** how do you know he's high?

**DavidJacobs:** Because he called me and asked for my car.  
**DavidJacobs:** Stop calling me Jack, I'm trying to order McDonalds.

**CowboyKelly:** well, you're coming back to medda's to drop off race, right?

**DavidJacobs:** Yeah?

**VroomVroom:** davey is the best damn person in this chat

**CowboyKelly:** I'll stop if you throw in some extra fries

**DavidJacobs:** Fine.

**Glue:** I don't normally say this, but can we get back to the more pressing issue  
**Glue:** spot, you good bro?

**KingOfBrooklyn:** never use bro again  
**KingOfBrooklyn:** but I'm fine

**VroomVroom:** yeah, he was all big and stuff  
**VroomVroom:** fuck the delanceys

**Specsifically:** k then  
**Specsifically:** guessing it had something to do with them?

**KingOfBrooklyn:** oh yeah, they were calling him a dumb blond  
**KingOfBrooklyn:** I didn't know people still believed that

**VroomVroom:** someone told me they don't talk to blonds because they're stupid

**Juliet:** why?  
**Juliet:** why would you do that?  
**Juliet:** it's hair

**KingOfBrooklyn:** because they're assholes

**Specsifically:** yeah, stereotypes are annoying  
**Specsifically:** but race is elle woods confirmed

**VroomVroom:** justt let me beeee legaally blonde

**CowboyKelly:** what have you done?

**BiggieSmalls:** what's up fuckers?

**VroomVroom:** yo mama!

**BiggieSmalls:**...

**BiggieSmalls** has removed **VroomVroom**

**BiggieSmalls:** stop

**Glue:** bit late for that

**GoinDeluxe** has removed **BiggieSmalls**  
**GoinDeluxe** has added **VroomVroom**

**VroomVroom:** albIE

**GoinDeluxe:** tonY

**DavidJacobs:** Jack, we're outside.

**CowboyKelly:** door's unlocked, I think  
**CowboyKelly:** just come in

**ChocolateButtons:** that's what she said  
**ChocolateButtons:** or... he, in this case

**ChocolateButtons** has logged off

**Glue:** did he just...

**Specsifically:** haha, he came online just for a that's what she said joke  
**Specsifically:** I might have to ask him to marry me

**Juliet:** I have a whole new level of respect for buttons

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** you do that specs

**RidinInStyle** has added **BiggieSmalls**

**BiggieSmalls:** you are a bastard spot conlon

**KingOfBrooklyn:** wow I'm so scared  
**KingOfBrooklyn:** you are five foot, I could crush you

**Specsifically:** I forgot to ask what it's like for small people  
**Specsifically:** spot, care to tell me?

**BiggieSmalls:** henry, we might have to take a break

**PaStRaMi:** you are deadass in my house  
**PaStRaMi:** you say that whilst sitting ON me

**Glue:** please spare me the details

**CowboyKelly:** MCDONALDS

**VroomVroom:** MCDONALDS

**CowboyKelly** has logged off  
**VroomVroom** has logged off

**DavidJacobs:** McDonalds.  
**DavidJacobs:** They are aware that this stuff is killing them, right?

**Glue:** no, you should really tell them though

**DavidJacobs:** I should.

**DavidJacobs** has logged off

**Glue:** okay, who wants to bet on jack and davey?

**Specsifically:** jack tells davey first

**BiggieSmalls:** you kidding me? davey has bigger balls

**PaStRaMi:** I'm with smalls

**Glue:** fucking whipped but okay  
**Glue:** and your opinion is also invalid  
**Glue:** jack's gonna tell davey

**Juliet:** I agree with elmer here  
**Juliet:** oh, by the way, eliza says the same thing

**KingOfBrooklyn:** you overestimate him  
**KingOfBrooklym:** davey is clearly the spot in the relationship meaning he'll be the one to fess up first

**GoinDeluxe:** you didn't even mean to tell us  
**GoinDeluxe:** you told us _on accident_

**KingOfBrooklyn:** by accident, sweets

**GoinDeluxe:** -_-

**Specsifically:** ew, love

**Glue:** single life forever, amirite?

**Specsifically:** right back at ya  
**Specsifically:** speaking of single life, mario cart?

**Glue:** you bet your ass

**Glue** has logged off

**Specsifically:** I'm feeling pizza

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** yeah dude, go for it?

**Specsifically** has logged off

**BiggieSmalls:** they really need boyfriends  
**BiggieSmalls:** or girlfriends, whichever way they swing is fine

**PaStRaMi:** how about with each other?

**BiggieSmalls:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**PaStRaMi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**BiggieSmalls** has logged off  
**PaStRaMi** has logged off

**Juliet:** and now they're plotting

**KingOfBrooklyn:** we're truly fucked, aren't we?

**Juliet:** you can put it like that  
**Juliet:** I'll speak to you tomorrow

**RidinInStyle:** albert, spot, you busy?

**Juliet** has logged off

**GoinDeluxe:** racer okay?

**RidinInStyle:** not really, you know how he gets  
**RidinInStyle:** would you mind coming?

**KingOfBrooklyn** has logged off

**GoinDeluxe:** spot'll pick me up, we'll be there soon

**RidinInStyle:** thanks, love you :D

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** :|

**RidinInStyle:** you most of all

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** :)

**GoinDeluxe** has logged off

**RidinInStyle:** I should probably go help

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** remember to help yourself first

**RidinInStyle:** wouldn't want to worry you too much :))

**RidinInStyle** has logged off  
**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird** has logged off

**HelloKitty:** why is everyone so sappy?

**TheBetterTwin:** thank god we're not like that

**HelloKitty:** could you imagine?  
**HelloKitty:** I'd have to have a pet name for you

**TheBetterTwin:** what would you call me, katy?  
**TheBetterTwin:** babe, baby, darling, love

**HelloKitty:** stop  
**HelloKitty:** I regret my life choices

**TheBetterTwin:** so do I, to be honest  
**TheBetterTwin:** my biggest regret was getting ice cream when I should've gotten a waffle

**HelloKitty:** real big problems there

**TheBetterTwin:** eh  
**TheBetterTwin:** pride and prejudice

**HelloKitty:** with kiera knightley?

**TheBetterTwin:** who do you think I am?

**HelloKitty:** aw, you know me so well

**TheBetterTwin:** ;)  
**TheBetterTwin:** but seriously, please come, I wanna watch kiera knightleyyyy

**HelloKitty:** you're only in it for the jane austen

**TheBetterTwin:** and you and kiera knightley now hurry up

**HelloKitty:** I'm coming, I'm coming

**HelloKitty** has logged off  
**TheBetterTwin** has logged off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am 100% projecting onto Race and that blonde story really did happen. Someone told me they don't make friends with blondes because they're stupid and it was so funny.
> 
> Also, this was written at 1am so if it feels rushed I was tired and I haven't actually edited it yet. Also, my formatting fucked up so I am really sorry.


	3. Race Threatens Murder & Everyone Loves Henry's Girlfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SantaGay - Jack  
> DavidJacobs - Davey  
> VroomVroom - Race  
> GoinDeluxe - Albert  
> PaStRaMi - Henry  
> RidinInStyle - Crutchie  
> Specsifically - Specs  
> Juliet - Romeo  
> KingOfBrooklyn - Spot  
> GreenFinchAndLinnetBird - Finch  
> Glue - Elmer  
> BiggieSmalls - Smalls  
> HelloKitty - Katherine  
> TheBetterTwin - Sarah  
> ChocolateButtons - Buttons
> 
> Making our acquaintance:  
> Jojo'sBizzareAdventure - Jojo  
> Helpless - Eliza (OC)
> 
> Special thanks to my beta reader Liz. Love ya!

**This Chat Is A Fucking Nightmare**

**PaStRaMi:** I think my girlfriend is great

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** join the club sis

**PaStRaMi:** you think my girlfriend is great?

**Glue:** it is true, smalls is in fact nicholas cage and therefore deserves the world

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** I? Was? Talking? About? Charlie? What?

**Glue:** please, stop

**Specsifically:** smalls is great  
**Specsifically:** crutchie is better

**Glue:** oh yeah lmao, specs is a singe lady

**Specsifically:** I have to make beyonce proud :,)

**Juliet:** excuse you, my girlfriend is clearly superior  
**Juliet:** nwbciwoqkjfofop shut up

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** hi eliza!

**BiggieSmalls:** eliza! can we please add eliza to the chat?  
**BiggieSmalls:** I also agree with henry, his girlfriend is amazing

**Glue:** damn right

**Specsifically:** but that's you?

**BiggieSmalls:** ;)

**Juliet:** I've been informed that I can't actually join this group becuase it's not 'family friendly'

**Glue:** what do you mean?  
**Glue:** we keep it 100% family friendly PG clean

**VroomVroom:** albert can suck my dick  
**VroomVroom:** oh hi eliza  
**VroomVroom:** and the only boyfriend worth mentioning is spot

**KingOfBrooklyn:** jfc not again

**GoinDeluxe:** nO  
**GoinDeluxe:** I'm sorRy

**VroomVroom:** perish

**Glue:** what the fuck did you do?

**Specsificially:** what happened to PG clean?

**Glue:** not when there is tea  
**Glue:** now please  
**Glue:** carry on

**PaStRaMi:** racer's been typing a while

**BiggieSmalls:** please hurry up, I need to get to my dance class but I really wanna know what happened

**VroomVroom:** you are not in fact sorry ALBERT because you did the exact same thing three MONTHS ago and told me you would never do it again and you have BETRAYED my trust in every single way

**Juliet:** is he talking about the nail varnish incident?  
**Juliet:** are you talking about it?  
**Juliet:** please tell me you are, it was so funny

**BiggieSmalls:**?

**GoinDeluxe:** he is not

**VroomVroom:** I am talking about how he ate all of the my donuts  
**VroomVroom:** I HAD FIVE  
**VroomVroom:** _FIVE_

**GoinDeluxe:** I was hungry?

**KingOfBrooklyn:** I disown myself from all of you

**GoinDeluxe:** don't leave me pleASE

**KingOfBrooklyn** has logged off

**VroomVroom:** there's no one to save you now

**Glue:** so... race became a demon overnight

**Specsifically:** and you didn't know?

**BiggieSmalls:** should I be concerned?

**PaStRaMi:** very

**PaStRaMi** has kicked **BiggieSmalls** from **This Chat Is A Fucking Nightmare**

**VroomVroom:** SMALLS WAS THE ONLY GOOD PERSON HERE

**PaStRaMi:** albert  
**PaStRaMi:** you're on your own

**PaStRaMi** has logged off

**Glue:** man, he noped out of that fast

**Specsifically:** and you didn't?

**Glue:** please, I'm made of stronger stuff

**VroomVroom:** you ran away screaming when a nun caught you off gaurd

**Glue** has logged off

**Specsifically:** stronger stuff my ass

**Juliet:** or elmer's ;)

**Specsifically** has kicked **Juliet** from **This Chat Is A Fucking Nightmare**

**Specsifically:** peace, at last

**GoinDeluxe:** damn right

**VroomVroom:** ALBERT

**Specsifically:** really spoke too soon

**GoinDeluxe:** don't leave me please

**Specsifically:** I'll leave romeo to deal with this

**Specsifically** has added **BiggieSmalls** and **Juliet** to **This Chat Is A Fucking Nightmare**

**Specsifically:** peace  
**Specsifically:** but not for you albert

**Specsifically** has logged off

**GoinDeluxe:** death sounds good right now

**GoinDeluxe** has logged off

  
**VroomVroom:** not so _fucking_ fast

**Jojo'sBizzareAdventure:** racer is scary man

**VroomVroom:** well hello jojo

**Jojo'sBizzareAdventure:** yeah  
**Jojo'sBizzareAdventure:** fuck that

**Jojo'sBizzareAdventure** has logged off

**Juliet:** he's never active anyway

**BiggieSmalls:** imagine not being active  
**BiggieSmalls:** can't relate

**Juliet:** we deadass forgot you existed until you stole henry's phone

**BiggieSmalls:** and we established I'm a national treasure, please keep up

**Juliet:** I actually give up  
**Juliet:** spot had the right idea to disown himself

**BiggieSmalls** has changed their name to **NicholasCage**

**NicholasCage:** bow down to your lord and saviour

**Juliet:**...  
**Juliet:** yeah, no

**Juliet** has logged off

**NicholasCage** has added **Helpless** to **This Chat Is A Fucking Nightmare**

**Helpless:** you broke my boyfriend

  
**NicholasCage:** that's not the only thing I'm breaking tonight ;)  
**NicholasCage:** it's true, I have boxing tonight

**Helpless:** you're worse than all of them

**NicholasCage:** now you're underestimating elmer's ability to make fun of everything

**Glue:** the only thing I don't make fun of is smalls  
**Glue:** and that's only because she is

**Helpless:** a national treasure?

**Glue:** exactly

**NicholasCage:** yeah, basically

**Helpless:** okay, I think I can vibe with that

**Helpless** has logged off

**NicholasCage:** not even a goodbye  
**NicholasCage:** betrAYED

**Glue:** lmao, hey racer?

**VroomVroom:**?

**Glue:** and smalls  
**Glue:** I ordered a shit load of pizza and some donuts

**NicholasCage:** **'** nough said, I'm coming now

**NicholasCage** has logged off

**VroomVroom:** how many donuts?

**Glue:** way more than five

**VroomVroom ha** s logged off

**Glue:** >:)

**Glue** has logged off

**RidinInStyle:** aw finch, I think you're great too

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** that's what you took from all of that?

**RidinInStyle:** I'm pointedly ignoring all of that  
**RidinInStyle:** davey'll deal with it

**DavidJacobs:** What.

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** oh god

**DavidJacobs:** The.  
**DavidJacobs:** Actual.

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** take cover crutch

**RidinInStyle:** exhibit a, david jacobs when he finds out his family can't behave when he's gone

**DavidJacobs:** Shit.

**SantaGay:** daveyyyy  
**SantaGay:** why's davey so mad?

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** *whip crack*

**RidinInStyle:** finch  
**RidinInStyle:** patrick

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** sorry jack

**SantaGay:** *whip crack*

**RidinInStyle:** francis

**SantaGay:** fuck  
**SantaGay:** sorry finch

**RidinInStyle;** also, backlog jack, have fun ;)

  
**DavidJacobs:** This is what you're worried about.  
**DavidJacobs:** You're worried about Crutchie when everyone is up at midnight.  
**DavidJacobs:** ON A SCHOOL DAY!

**SantaGay:** babe, you are too

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** I lied  
**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** davey is scary when he's angry

**DavidJacobs:** I leave for five minutes and Race is threatening murder.  
**DavidJacobs:** People get kicked and then re-added.  
**DavidJacobs:** And Romeo makes false accusations because my boyfriend is clearly the best one here.

**RidinInStyle:** *offended noises*

**SantaGay:** ily2 <3

**RidinInStyle:** use your words jeez jack

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird:** haha I'm not dealing with an angry mom today

**GreenFinchAndLinnetBird** has logged off

**RidinInStyle:** I guess that means I should leave?

**SantaGay:** and leave me?

**RidinInStyle:** I am in the other room you dumb

**DavidJacobs:** Crutchie, finish that sentence and I will end you.

**RidinInStyle:** you deal with him  
**RidinInStyle:** also have fun davey ;)

**DavidJacobs:** They're too afraid of me.

**RidinInStyle:** tell that to me tomorrow

**RidinInStyle** has logged off

**SantaGay:** that was weirdly hot

**Glue:** get a fucking room

**DavidJacobs:** Elmer.

**Glue:** I mean haha, so cute  
**Glue:** haha

**Glue** has logged off

**DavidJacobs:** Window's open.

**SantaGay:** say no more

**SantaGay** has logged off

**DavidJacobs:** Christ on a cracker, you're all five

**DavidJacobs** has logged off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a bit longer because my mental health took a bit of a dip recently and I was unable to write. It hopefully won't take as long next time!
> 
> I think my formatting is still a problem so I'll have to go back through and try and make it look pretty.

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to be writing a Witcher crackfic for my friend but I got side tracked. I tried my best, but hey, you win some you lose some.
> 
> [Come hang with me on Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/marsbarsncornflakes)


End file.
